Christians are straight up FREAKS
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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