it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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