I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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