Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
