so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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