I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize