Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
