My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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