I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize