i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
