he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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