the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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