I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
