Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
