im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
