When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
