I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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