She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
