Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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