totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
