I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
