I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
