I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
