I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
