Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
