I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
nutella sex= disaster
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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