I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
