I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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