I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
