Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize