Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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