this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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