Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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