you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it glows. i had to have it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
