That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
