Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
