we have pet lesbian snakes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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