I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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