Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
