There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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