When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
