Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
