woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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