I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
