he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
