I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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