I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
