My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
