My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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