Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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