So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
