i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
