whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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