I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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