Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
