she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
