I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i drank out of a bidet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
