Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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