I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
