The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
