the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
