Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
