Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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