Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
