At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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