"it" just moved
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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