I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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