he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
