I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
