I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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