After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
