Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
