This beer is not sobering me up at all
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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