When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize