Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.

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(720): View more from Colorado

If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.

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(647): View more from Ontario

They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just look for the house with the beer knights.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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(206): View more from Washington

And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash

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