the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Farmville is her only friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
