Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
