His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize