just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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