the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
