i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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