This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
