Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do herpes really smell.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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