If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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