coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
