he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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