i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
