If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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