At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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