The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
