first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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