she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
